After the Abuse: Moving Forward. Finding Peace. Know Thyself.

A Follow-Up Post to my previous post

Even when you take a major step to end the cycle of abuse (often leaving the abusive partner entirely), you will face hurdles. Life can throw some doozies at you sometimes. Be prepared for these. Know the aches are worth it.

And then – rediscover YOU. Not the hidden/fake you that has plagued you all these years.

Yes, you’ll likely be in a legal or familial or emotional battle about your leaving your abuser. But this time is a time of recovery, and it does not have to be all hurt and pain.

This is the time where he no longer controls you. Where you get to know you – without his words hanging over you.

Find your inner beauty. Love yourself.

You will find strength in yourself you never knew existed.

You will make hard decisions. You will probably hurt a little. But you will recover. You will grow stronger. And you will be a voice for the voiceless when you are able to stand tall, honest, and lovely again.

“Controllers, abusers & manipulative people don’t ask themselves if the problem is them. They always say the problem is YOU. This was a huge problem for me as I tried to get help, because I was very willing to convince everyone that the problem was me ~ I believed it so deeply because it was what I had been taught for so long.” Darlene Ouimet

“For years I mistakenly focused on what was wrong with me when nothing was actually wrong with me. It was when I shifted my thinking to ‘what happened to me’ that all kinds of doors opened and I was able to move forward from coping to conquering.” – Darlene Ouimet

If you think you are in an emotionally abusive relationship, I encourage you to get help. Start by identifying what is happening. Then reach out – perhaps it isn’t good to reach to certain people in your life – call an anonymous support line, reach out to a counselor, or find a local support group. You do not have to do this alone (though some of you might choose to at first).

Here are some preliminary resources if you feel like your spouse is being abusive:

Know what it is:

“But He Never Hit Me” – “Emotional abuse is not a relational problem, a symptom of an unhealthy marriage (although it can certainly cause both of those). It is a heart problem, stemming from the abusive person’s un-Christlike drive to attain and maintain dominance. Emotional abuse is a habitual sin that seldom goes away on its own. The church needs to treat it accordingly.”

10 Signs You Are in an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Are You a Victim of Emotional Abuse?

Signs of Emotional Abuse

Know who to call:

Tell someone, anyone you trust – or call a professional. Mayo Clinic has some good tips on who to call.

And there is always the National Domestic Abuse Hotline:  1−800−799−SAFE(7233)

Whomever you call – a friend, a counselor, a hotline, be ready to be honest. Don’t hold back details. Only when the truth is revealed can recovery begin: Abused No More

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